No more No

Say “yes” more often and avoid using word “no”!

Do you understand impact of word no on yourself and on other people?

What is the first word toddlers learn to understand? I propose myself that, that word is “no”.

Parents, acting from a place of love and care, introduce their children to abstract conception of “no”. Teaching them what is prohibited, unacceptable, what is to be avoided, introducing to the world of fear and danger. They want comfort of having ‘no’- a quick magic word,
to stop little ones doing what they are doing, as it can be dangerous, inappropriate or even harmful for others. Parents keep repeating.. don’t go there, don’t cry, don’t do that, don’t behave like that, you can’t have that.. It is obvious that parents, who are responsible for the children they have want to protect them and they know better what is good for their babies. However… hopefully we all can recall situations when little toddler or a baby carries on doing an activity which was just prohibited, looking at their parents with a cheeky smile and questioning.. what will you do when you catch me.. it’s lovely to discover they’re checking boundaries and how far can their stretch the law..

We all probably agree that there is some power in the word “no” as it often makes toddlers to do exactly what is prohibited. Let’s put the child shoes on for a moment. Mum says, please don’t go there.. Her aim is to stop child going direction it decided. Child’s will and conception of the nearest future has been stopped because mum will is different that will of child. Let’s assume child follows mum’s instruction and don’t go where they intended to go… what do they do in this scenario.. do they stop sit down and play where they are. is it clear where they should go? Do they know where to play in order to satisfy mum’s wish? Would it be more effective if mum said to the child: “ Listen, I want you to play here.. from here to there, because I need to see you all the time. It’s important that whenever you think about going outside this area you come to me and ask my permission. Do you agree that such formulated logical instruction can have better impact on child’s behavior? I wonder would Little Red Riding Hood be safer in the forest and avoid danger of meeting the Big Bad Wolf if her mother told her something else than… don’t talk to strangers on the way.
It seems it is our humanly heritage from biblical Adam and Eva who  acted against God will:
“but God did say, you must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die” “Don’t eat fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden” Why is this? Why do we always do the things we are told not to do?


Lets do a little experiment. Please follow my instructions.

Think about your right foot, does it touch the floor, does it sit comfy in your shoe? Can you easily move your toes? Is it warm or cold? Now.. let’s change scenario… I don’t want you to think about your left hand. Please don’t think about your left hand. You can think of anything else. Please don’t think about your left hand.



Do you agree that it is easier to follow a command, to think about the right foot rather than stop thinking about the left hand. Experts explain that this is due to our subconscious mind which is fooled by negative words and absolutely ignores them. Has it ever happened to you that while reading a negative sentence you were sure that you read a positive statement. It is probably due to fact that we can visualize our left hand or right foot but the word no lacks visual representation, it is just a word.. 2 letters.. which are so easily skipped either whilst reading or while listening.


Have you ever tried to introduce some changes in your life… have you ever tried to give up on smoking.. have you been constantly repeating yourself .. don’t smoke? Have you ever tried to loose some weight, repeating to yourself.. “don’t eat sweets” Going back to our body scan experiment, do you see similarity.. rather than signals to stop doing certain things you have been constantly stimulating your thoughts were about those activities smoking cigarettes, eating sweets..


Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results according to Albert Einstein. So if you ever again decide to change some of your habits, it may be worth changing your thinking and inner voice.


Instead of don’t smoke say I’m detoxifying my lungs and my body from negative effects of nicotine. Instead of don’t eat sweets say I’m having only nutritious, healthy and unprocessed snacks, fruits and dried fruits in order to have a quick energy increase.

However life is full of situations when we have to refuse someone or disprove something. Whether it is a demanding boss, needy family member, or a stranger on the street


The word ‘No’ is the quickest solution which automatically comes to our minds.

We may say depending on situation - I don’t want to do that or go there, I can’t help you. Formulating refusal this way may be perceived as rejection by the recipient of the message and can hurt their feelings. It is worth thinking how to reformulate our response so it is received better.. the clue to success is to delete the word no from the sentence and replace it with a positive formula and give the reason.. I’m really sorry I appreciate your invite, I am fully committed over next few weeks… I’d love to help you, but I have already agreed to help my mother/colleague/ student. I’m afraid it has to wait until I complete another project as my schedule is full. I have a different opinion. Let’s close this conversation. Go silent. I hope that you were able to identify with the given examples of situations and that I have encouraged you to test the possibility of living life without saying that 2 lettered word so powerful and so powerless at the same time, the abstract word “no”.